TV Recap: Penny Dreadful-- Grand Guignol

Photo courtesy of Showtime

It’s been a short, great 8 weeks, you guys! This series sucked me in from the get-go, and it wasn’t at all what I thought it would be…it was BETTER!

We saw Eva Green amaze us, we fell in love with one of Frankenstein’s monsters, and we despised another. We gave our hearts to a pretty boy that seemingly never ages, and became intrigued with a gunslinger from the wild west. We’ve hunted vampires, searched faces for werewolves, not talked about dog-rat fight clubs, and squealed at body parts strewn across a room. You guys, what a journey it’s been!

Now, we come to the end of season one, and I have a feeling that THIS is going to top every damn thing we’ve seen so far.

Ready? Here we go!

We begin where last week ended, with Vanessa and Malcolm discussing Mina. They make plans to try to find her that evening. As Malcolm exits, Dorian enters.

Eager Dorian, trying so hard to please and impress. Vanessa’s not having it. It’s actually kinda unattractive. Stoppit, Dorian.

Over at Brona’s, she’s not doing well at all. Chandler is by her bedside, crying and praying. Outside, we see two men who are apparently there for Chandler. They lurk in the shadows, waiting for the right time to strike…

Malcolm decides to go shopping, and purchases one of the first automatic weapons ever made. The bullets will stop an elephant, which is good because the Master is WAY scarier than an elephant. Like, WAAAAAY scarier.

As Malcolm is finishing his gun business, he runs into Madame Kali—who’s going by her true name, Evelyn  The two do some flirting. It’s weird. I don’t like her. She’s fishy.

At the theater, rehearsals are happening, but Caliban screws up. The star gets pissed, and he gets all mean with Caliban. Jerk.

Caliban gets sad…did anyone else think he was going to break into song on that stage? I mean, he kept looking up, like he was reflecting. I really expected a song to begin! Penny Dreadful, The Musical! OMG, I’D WATCH THE SHIT OUTTA THAT.

Caliban goes back to lurking under the stage, and Maude stops by to bring him an orange. He quotes Paradise Lost lines at her. She has no idea what he’s even saying. She just likes oranges, dude.

Maude apologizes for her boyfriend’s meanness, and then kisses Caliban on the forehead. Oh, girl. That was a hugely bad move. See, now Cali’s going to think Maude LIKE-likes him, when she really only sees him the same way she sees her poor burned, disfigured brother. So, is Caliban going to demand Victor make Maude his bride now? Let’s see!

Back at Malcolm’s, he’s playing with his gun. You guys, I’m not doing this again this week! YOU HAVE DIRTY MINDS.

He and Vanessa get into a tiff, and he basically tells her that he’s using her for her connection to Mina, and that he’ll sacrifice her in a heartbeat if need be. Way to be honest there, Sir Malcolm! Man, she just got over being possessed, y’know. You could be a little easier on her for a while!

Again at the theater—man, we’re jumping all over the damn place tonight—Caliban, um…does his makeup? Yeah, see what you did, Maude?! I knew this was gonna happen!

Caliban definitely took Maude’s forehead kiss the wrong way, and Maude is now incredibly creeped out. I mean, his makeup is HIDEOUS. Dude needs lessons. Someone should tell him that Sephora gives them....er, wait. There was no Sephora in nineteenth century England. Nevermind.

So Maude freaks out, Caliban pretty much attacks her, and he’s kicked out of the theater/his home.

Vincent says goodbye with a hug, and with that, my Jekyll/Hyde theory goes out the window. I was sure that Vincent was Jekyll. Damn! WHAT A LET DOWN. L

OHHHH, DID YOU SEE THAT, THO?! The Master is sleeping up in the theater rafters! THAT WAS CREEPY.

Vanessa and Dorian meet in the greenhouse. Vanessa’s all, “Dude, I guess I should explain why I ran off, huh? Y’see, when we boinked, it made the devil possess me, and we can’t boink anymore.”

Dorian’s like, “Nono, it’s all good. I’m not afraid. It’s all good, bae.”

Vanessa goes, “DUDE. NOT KIDDING HERE. I was LITERALLY the devil. It SUCKED. But here, have a kiss, and this is called rejection, and you need to be feeling that right now because, BURN, I’m totally rejecting you.”

So Dorian’s all, “OMGWTFBBQ?! I HAZ A SAD WAT IS DIS WET ON MAH FACE?!”

And then Dorian was crying and my loins were all, “OHMYGAWD TAKE ME INSTEAD I LOVE YOU MORE THAN SHE EVER WILL SHE’S A HARPY.”

But then my brain was like, “Um, idiot, it’s a frickin’ TV SHOW. He can’t even hear you, shut up.”

And that’s what happened. CRAZY, RITE?!

Oh, hi, Victor! Apparently Caliban went home, because he’s at Victor’s place. And then, wow. Wow. That speech. It literally brought me to tears. Just when I think I hate him with a passion I’ve never known, he goes and speaks so beautifully and sadly and eloquently. The writers on this show are a cut above. That was absolutely stunning.

Of course, Victor is also smitten with Caliban’s words, and he puts away the gun he has taken out. He even starts to comfort Caliban, when he’s interrupted by Chandler knocking on the door. Hmm, I wonder what he could want?!

Okay, you guys I think I have a problem, and his name is Eddie Redmayne. I apparently see the guy EVERYWHERE, and tonight’s episode was no different. Didn’t Victor seem a bit Eddie Redmayne-like to you?! He’s my boyfriend, you know. Eddie Redmayne. SHUT UP HE IS TOO MY BOYFRIEND. I wonder why the hell I see him in so many freaking actors all the time. THAT’S WEIRD.

Okay, so Chandler brings Victor to Brona’s, and SHIT GOES DOWN. Victor KILLS Brona while Chandler is out of the room. THAT’S INTENSE. I did NOT even see that coming at all!

But it looks like our theory was right! Brona is about to become a bride!

Heartbroken-Chandler finds the nearest bar, and his American stalkers find him. Those guys are in trooouuuuuuble. Chandler’s going to put the hurt on them, and also he might eat them!

The stalkers explain that they’re Pinkerton men, hired by Chandler’s pops to bring him home. Duh. No shit.

Yep, Chandler beats the crap out of both men, “We have underestimated our prey, Mr. Kidd.” Hahahahaha, y’think?!

Sad Chandler is sad, and he takes a minute to calm himself outside the theater. Close to wolfing-out, perhaps? 

The rest of the Scoobies arrive, and they enter the theater. They wander around in the dark, because apparently all of the lamps are taken home after closing time?

It’s all creepy and spooky, until their light shines on the Master, he wakes up, and the battle begins!

Chandler falls through the trap door in the stage, and Sembene and Victor follow him down. The three men do battle under the stage with the creepy white-haired vamps, as Malcolm battles the Master in the rafters.

Guns are blazing, Sembene’s wicked knife is slashing, Victor is trying his best not to freak out and keep up, but the white-vamps overwhelm the under-stage trio! Is this their end?! Must we say goodbye to our trio?! BUT WAIT!

In the rafters, Malcolm pulls out his sword and STABS the Master, saving Vanessa! The Master falls to the stage, but he’s not yet dead! Malcolm scrambles after the head vampire, and once again stabs him through the heart! After a few final gasps, the Master dies…and with him, all of the white-vamps surrounding our trio!

THE SCOOBIES ARE SAVED! MALCOLM THE EFFING VAMPIRE SLAYER!

Mina comes out of the shadows, and it’s a wonderful reunion! Mina is saved, everyone will live happily ever…..oh. Well, shit. Mina is a vampire.

She takes Vanessa and tells her father how awesome life will be when they’re all vampires and living with the Master.

HOLY CRAP, SO THAT VAMP WASN’T THE MASTER! There’s still some head-vamp out there. IT’S DRACULA, I KNOW IT IS.

Mina is about to bite Vanessa, when Malcolm shoots her. WHHHHHAAAAAAAT?!

Mina exclaims, “I am your daughter!”

Malcolm, in a wonderfully touching moment, looks over to Vanessa and says, “I already have a daughter.”, and shoots Mina dead. WELL HOLY. CRAP.

Later at Malcolm’s, he and Vanessa cry and hug and mourn. He’s not going to Africa, and now they need to get a Christmas tree. It’s very sad. I need a hug.

Victor? Oh, he’s back at his lab, creating a bride for his monster. Out of Brona’s dead corpse.

And Chandler? Well, he’s drinking again, and the Pinkerton men find him, again. But it’s okay, because HE FUCKING WOLFS OUT AND KILLS EVERYONE, AND I WAS SCREAMING AND LAUGHING BECAUSE I’M APPARENTLY A VERY DISTURBED INDIVIDUAL AND I WAS SO RIGHT ABOUT HIM HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Crap, sorry about that. I get a bit excited sometimes…

In the end, Malcolm allows himself to feel his guilt.

Chandler once again wakes up under the pier, and we now know that he is indeed the ripper.

And Vanessa goes to church to talk exorcisms, but instead faces a question: Does she really want to be normal?

WHAT A FINALE! I thought it was the perfect end to a really amazing first season. It was more low-key than most season finales, but I’m okay with that because we got SO many crazy episodes, especially the penultimate (goddamn I love that word) episode. I’m almost grateful for a quiet finale after that insane, fast-paced, dark and disturbing thing!

So let’s look forward to season 2. What should we expect?

-Brona will come back, but she won’t have her memories. I think she’ll have flashes, but she won’t remember Chandler until they actually see each other. And they WILL see each other.

-Chandler will still love Brona, monster and all. He did say to her that he’d love her, no matter who she became, right?

-Maybe a fight for Brona, between Chandler and Caliban?

-We’ll (hopefully) find out how Chandler could remove Vanessa’s demon with a necklace and a prayer?

-Vanessa will have to decide; exorcism or not. I bet she chooses exorcism, but of course, it won’t work for a long while, if at all.

-We WILL finally meet the Master, who will be Dracula. And he’ll be pissed.

-Perhaps a romance between Vanessa and Dracula?

-I have no idea what will happen with Victor, but I look forward to finding out!

-Yet another romance between Madame Kali and Malcolm? Perhaps.

-Chandler will try to get his wolf-side back under control. Perhaps he’ll tell Victor, who will help him?

-SEMBENE BACKSTORY PLEASE.

-Dorian. Wow, where will they take Dorian? We may catch a glimpse of his painting, but no more than that. There will definitely be another romance, so maybe they’ll bring in a new cast member? A witch? The mummy?  Bigfoot?

What are your theories for season two? And your thoughts about season one?

Thanks for sticking around and reading my little recaps, you guys! You were all really awesome, and it was a pleasure each week to talk to so many fun, friendly and like-minded Penny Dreadful lovers!

Until next season, always carry a stake…and a wicked-cool Sembene blade! You never know where you’ll meet the Master! ;)

TV Recap: Penny Dreadful--Resurrection

Photo courtesy of Showtime

(***WARNING*** This is a recap for an ADULT show. Be prepared for cursing, explicit material, and possible sex, violence, gore and horror discussions! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!)

Welcome to week three, everyone! Sorry my recap is late…Would you believe a werewolf ate my first draft and I had to rewrite it from scratch?! Totally true, I swear!

So, we begin with maggots eating a dead dog! Yaaaay! Ewww!

A young Victor is waxing poetic in a voiceover as he comes across his poor, deceased pup. We meet his mother, and the two discuss death and the dog at bedtime. They have a snuggle, and suddenly mommy dearest is coughing up blood all over the poor kid. Again, I say, EWWWW.

Now in her bed, nurses, maids and doctors tend to Victor’s mother as she continues to cough and choke on her own blood. Aaaaand then, funeral. Well that escalated quickly.

Young Victor, now angry and bitter, loses himself in some, um…medical books? Whatever helps, right?

Flash to present-Victor, who’s pretty much freaked out because, y’know, his child was just torn apart in front of him by his other child. Man, can’t this guy catch a break?!

Frankenstein’s monster, who is DELICIOUSLY CREEPY!, is apparently terrifying to his creator.

And then we flash to the monster’s, um…birthday? Gross, but, yay, backstory! The monster explains that he was born in terror and in agony, and we can pretty much see that as he screams and flings himself all over the room, knocking stuff over and making a huge mess. Man, who’s gonna clean that up, monster?! You need to teach them early, Victor! He needs chores and he needs to be held accountable for…huh? Oh.

Er, so Victor can’t handle the screaming, confused monster, and he flees the lab. And now I feel horrible for the monster, abandoned, alone and scared. You’re a bad father, Victor!

From his window, the monster learns the ways of humans and animals. He realizes that he himself must be an animal, being treated as was by Victor. Eventually, the monster learns to read. He even comes to know Victor by reading the notes in the margins of the books of poetry they both seem to love.

The monster admonishes Victor for expecting to have created a poet, and explains that instead he’s created something born of iron and steam and mechanization. Victor again tries to run from his monster, but the monster holds fast. He won’t let his father run again. Victor asks how the monster could have killed Proteus in such a way, and the monster explains that it was a mercy. It was an “abortion” before Proteus could feel the pain that the monster has experienced. Damn, this monster is DEEP, y’all!

Cut to Sir Malcolm’s house, where creepy things are happening to Vanessa. As she walks through the house, she starts to hear jungle noises, monkeys and birds and such. Suddenly, Mina appears in front of her and begs for help. She says that there are things “all around her”, that they feed at night, and that they’re hungry. Then, POOF, she disappears! CREEPY.

Aaaand back with Victor and the monster, who must have a name but hasn’t said it yet, so I’ma keep calling him “the monster”, the monster continues his story.

As he wanders the city, trying to find his father, he learns about the cruelty and the kindness of people. He’s taken in by a nice old drunk, who gives him a job and a place to live in the theater, which, as the drunk explains, is pretty much a mecca for monsters. So at least he’s got that going for him now.

The monster is enthralled as his drunk friend explains that he’s to be the new “stage rat” for the shows, and the current one is a penny dreadful (ha! See what they did there?!), Sweeny Todd. I LOVE Sweeny Todd!

As Victor never gave his monster a name, the drunk, who really is very endearing, calls him Caliban, from Shakespeare’s The Tempest. Coincidence that both monsters are named from Shakespeare’s plays?! I THINK NOT! Okay, maybe it is. I honestly have no freaking clue.

Caliban, in case you’re wondering, is the main protagonist in Shakespeare’s play. He’s also the son of a witch. Oh, and he’s a monster. So…fitting?

Caliban does well at the theater, and he’s able to continue his search for Victor. He finds him, follows him (and now we know who that was in the first episode behind Victor in the blurry!), and waits. He watched as Victor created Proteus. Victor apologizes to his monster, and Caliban tells Victor they’re going for a walk. What could the monster possibly want?! Hmm!

And then, RANDOM UNEXPECETED SEX! JEEZ, warn a person next time, would ya?! Oh, it’s Chandler and Brona. So…I guess they’re hitting it off, then?

Chandler pays a visit to Malcolm and Vanessa. He’s looking for money to pay for medicine for Brona’s cough. It’s lurve, I tells ya!

Oooh, and we get another backstory when Vanessa, who mentions that she “sees things sometimes”, also tells Chandler what happens to Mina!

Mina was a governess until she got engaged to Jonathan Harker…heeeeeey. This is getting AWFULLY familiar now, you guys! So, Mina’s with Dracula then? And why not? We already have Frankenstein, his monster, Dorian Gray, possibly Dr. Jekyll (I’ll leave you guys to figure that one out!). Why not Dracula? (I feel like there should be a “why not Zoidberg” meme here, so you guys can picture one in your heads. Got it? Okay, now laugh cause that’s funny shit, y’all!)

Back with Frankenstein, Caliban tells Victor that he wants love. …oh good god, are we about to get a bride of Frankenstein scenario here?!

Aaaaaaand, yup. That’s exactly what Caliban wants. He orders Victor to create him an immortal love, or he’ll kill everyone Victor loves. I mean, the guy speaks so eloquently and all, but he really is a monster! Of course, I suppose I can’t blame him, considering the life he’s had with the scars and horrible birthday and being abandoned and all. I can’t help but wonder, though, why I don’t feel the same kind of love for him as I did for Proteus. If anything, Caliban deserves it more, doesn’t he?

Victor doesn’t seem too worried about Caliban’s threat, and the two part ways. For now.

Over in the zoo, Vanessa, Malcolm, Chandler and Malcolm’s man are taking a moonlit stroll. Because, y’know, that’s apparently normal for them.

Suddenly, they’re surrounded by (were?)wolves. Chandler does this weird wolf-whispering thing, and the alpha wolf gently takes Chandler’s hand into his mouth. (OH MY GAWD, IS CHANDLER A WEREWOLF?!) And then the wolves run off. That was freakin’ weird.

Over near the monkeys, they find a vampire snacking on an animal and decide to take it prisoner.

So, I guess they knew to go to the zoo because of the sounds Vanessa heard in her “vision”? Well what about the freakin’ wolves?! What do they have to do with anything?! Argh!

Malcolm’s man, whose name, according to IMBD, is Sembene, is sent to bring Victor in on things. Yay, the gang’s all together again!

Fenton the vampire, which is a ridiculous name for a vampire, btw. I mean, FENTON? Come on! He’ll never be taken seriously in the vampire world with a name like Fenton. Now, RENFIELD. THAT’S a cool vampire name! ;)

So Fenton goes on about his Master and Amunet/Amun-Ra, and he talks about Vanessa like he knows her.

They all go upstairs, the men bicker for a while. Frankenstein wants to try to cure the vampire’s disease. He wants to treat it as he would a blood disorder and do experiments and things on poor Fenton. See, that’s what he gets for having such a sucky name.

The Scooby-Gang all pledge to do…something, I guess. I have no idea what they were pledging. To stick together? To do experiments on vampires? Bah, this show gives me a headache.

Malcolm then tells Vanessa that he thinks it’s she that the Master really wants, and not Mina. But he has no idea why the Master wants her.

Chandler and Vanessa have a little heart-to-heart about Brona, and Malcolm and Victor have a heart-to-heart about monster responsibility.

And then the Master shows up to visit poor Fenton in the basement, I think? Unless Fenton, y’know, being crazy, is only seeing things.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT EVEN JUST HAPPENED YOU GUYS.

Okay, thoughts:

Dracula HAS to be the Master, right?
Werewolves? Or regular wolves?
If werewolves, is Chandler one?
Will Frankenstein create a bride for Caliban?
Where the hell is Mina?!
If it is Vanessa the Master wants, why her?
What is the trouble Chandler is in back in the US
Will Brona die?
WHERE THE HELL WAS DORIAN?!

I have more, but I’m worried the werewolves are going to return for this second draft. I’ll end it here.

See you guys next week, and remember, always check the back seat of your car before you get in. The Master may be looking for YOU!

TV Review: Penny Dreadful-- Séance

Photo courtesy of Showtime

(***WARNING*** This is a recap for an ADULT show. Be prepared for cursing, explicit material, and possible sex, violence, gore and horror discussions! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!)

A bit of trivia before we begin—Did you know that penny dreadful’s were a type of British fiction, usually very lurid in manner, published in serial format in the 1800s? And that they always ended on a cliffhanger? That should tell you a LOT about this show. I hate cliffhangers!

I should also mention that, as much as I love horror, I’m not at all up on my 19^th century fiction. So I totally, totally missed the whole ‘Mina’ thing in the pilot, and for that I’m sorry. Confession time: I’ve never read Dracula, or The Picture of Dorian Gray. And it’s been years since I read Frankenstein. So while I won’t be recapping Penny Dreadful as a literary expert, I will be recapping it as a huge horror buff, and I hope that’s alright with you guys.

So! Let’s begin, shall we?

For our cold open this week, a whore is sitting on a bench, at night in the fog. Well, there’s her first mistake right there! A lantern lighter wanders by. When he’s almost out of sight, he disappears and his torch clatters to the ground. Our whore’s face is terrified as “something” attacks her. The last thing we see is her severed arm, hand still gripping the apple she was just about to eat.

Man, I love these creepy cold openings! BEST EVER.

Under a dock in a seedy part of town, Chandler awakes, surrounded by rats. I guess he went on a major bender? So he decides to wander back into the dive bar for a little hair o’ the dog. Gross, dude.

Over at Victor Frankenstein’s place, he allows his monster to choose his own name. With the help of the works of Shakespeare, he randomly chooses Proteus.

In Shakespeare’s play, The Two Gentlemen of Verona, Proteus is the best friend of the main character. Proteus is very inconsistent with his affections, and his lies and deceptions come to a head at the end of the play when he encounters his best friend and her lover, who was Proteus’s original love. I can’t see what this name has to do with Shelley’s original story, so maybe they’re going to go elsewhere with the Frankenstein plot? I hope so!

Victor has to leave Proteus alone while he goes to work, and the poor monster seems so sad and lonely when his master exits. I’m really liking this monster so far. Where are they going to go with him? Hmm!

And, FINALLY, enters Billie Piper! She looks ROUGH. Dark hair, bushy eyebrows; she’s a low-born lass, and she walks into the bar where Chandler is drinking.

She speaks, and I have absolutely NO idea what she’s even saying. Between the slurring and the really bad Irish accent, I literally have to listen to her lines two or three times before I get them. This is going to get old quick.

The two make small talk and Chandler seems smitten. Brona goes off to look for work, and Chandler stays and books a room.

Victor has made his way to Sir Malcolm’s residence, where he finds the dead vampire completely skinned. Only his hieroglyphic-covered body remains. Victor draws blood from the creature as he and the two hunters (Malcolm and Vanessa) make small talk about the possible meaning of the symbols. Vanessa then notices the poetry books in Victor’s bag, and the two quote poetry at each other for a moment. Um, okay?

Victor examines the blood he’s drawn, and determines that it is human, but it does have additional properties that he’s not familiar with. Malcolm adds a generous incentive (It’s cash. A lot of cash) to keep Victor in his employ more permanently. After Victor leaves, Vanessa tells Malcolm that Victor has a secret…

In a way too brief scene, Brona enters a rather posh house. A man turns to her, and introduces himself as Dorian Gray. He’s really, really hot, you guys. Which shouldn’t be surprising, I suppose. I mean that *is* his story, right? With the painting in the attic and all? But he’s REALLY hot.

Back with Sir Malcolm, he and his man visit the police officer who’s in charge of the curious murders that have been happening recently. Sir Malcolm offers his help, and the officer goes over the gory details of the murders.

Going back to Malcolm’s “man”, who I didn’t mention last week, he’s very exotic, with some type of implants or scars across his cheeks. He doesn’t seem to speak at all. I’m sure we’ll find out more about him soon enough!

While going over the details of the slaughtered mother and daughter from the pilot, we find out that the murderer took some of the body parts; an arm, and some of the internal organs. That’s definitely sounding more and more like the Ripper, innit?

Malcolm asks if the bodies had been drained of blood, and the answer is no. He asks if it’s the Ripper, and again, the answer is a no. He tells the cop that he needs to see the crime scene immediately the next time it happens—and it *will* happen again. He then says that unless the police change tactics, they’ll never find the killer. They’re hunting for a man, and they need to start hunting for a beast.

Jumping to Dorian Gray, there’s a photo shoot going on, I guess? His house is full of photographs and paintings, and it looks like he’s adding Brona to the collection. Dorian looks hella bored with it all, until Brona coughs. There’s blood when she does, and she tells him it’s consumption. This perks him right up. Creepy Dorian is creepy. But still hot.

The two make out, and fanboys all around the world squee at the sight of Rose Tyler’s boobs, something they’d only dreamed they’d ever see. Haha!

In a rather morbid sex scene, the photographer continues to take photos as the two go at it. Dorian is fascinated that he’s having sex with a “dying creature”. Brona literally coughs blood all over Dorian’s face, and all he does is smile and keep going. CREEPY DORIAN IS CREEPY. …but still hot.

Over with Chandler, he’s gotten a telegram from his father, who strictly tells him to stop his foolishness and come home. Apparently Chandler is in some legal trouble, and his father has paid it off. It doesn’t look like Chandler is very keen on going home.

Back in Victor’s workshop, Proteus is learning to be human, and possibly remembering some of his past. Victor catches him singing quietly under his breath, and then discovers that Proteus knows the words “boat”, “whale” and “hunting”. Victor wonders if Proteus was a whaler once upon a time.

And then little eccentric dude returns! Malcolm and Vanessa finally attend his dinner party, and we should get the answers to the meaning of the hieroglyphics!

Vanessa finds herself without an escort when Malcolm and the professor leave the room, and who comes to introduce himself, but Dorian Gray! He charms the pants off her….Oh, wait, maybe that was me. Where the hell are my pants?!

Dorian reads Vanessa like a book, much like she did with Chandler in the pilot. Is everyone frickin’ Sherlock Holmes in this show?! The professor interrupts before the two can get any more intimate, and he introduces the crowd to the guest of honour, Madame Kali.

In Hinduism, Kali is the Goddess of time, change and destruction. Interesting name for this character, no?

Apparently a séance is going to happen, and three of the participants just happen to be Malcolm, Vanessa and Dorian. Handy, that!

Madame Kali calls for the spirits, and she fakes a possession. Watching Malcolm, it’s apparent that there *is* a spirit that has entered Vanessa, and I’m pretty sure he knows it. And then things get creepy as HELL.

 The spirit makes Vanessa’s body twist in all kinds of uncomfortable ways, and then she starts talking in tongues. But the worst part is when she takes on the voice of Malcolm’s son, I think?, and begins to speak to him about things they’d done in the past. The voice then gets “older”, and it sounds like Malcolm’s son died of dysentery while Malcolm was on an expedition, and Malcolm knew that he was dying and went anyway.

Malcolm just sits there and cries, and then things get even creepier. Then the son apparently goes off about Malcolm lusting after his daughter, Mina. I’m really unclear on this part, you guys, because it was so confusing. The spirit also mentions that Vanessa saw Malcolm having sex with Mina. I think? Argh, I’m so confused, but I think I have it pretty much right. I hope! Regardless, holy hell, what GREAT acting on Eva Green’s part! That was incredibly scary and disturbing.

The spirit, still in Vanessa’s body, runs off into the rain and has sex with some random guy in an alley. Oh, and Dorian is sneakily watching that happen. Dorian, stop being gross!

The next morning, Chandler is still drinking at the bar. Brona comes in, and Chandler asks her out to dinner. She accepts.

Malcolm returns to the professor’s home and finally finds out that the hieroglyphics refer to Amunet, “the female hidden one”, and that’s also who was possessing Vanessa at the dinner party, I think?

Okay, so the hieroglyphics are a spell that foretells the “annihilation of man and the coming of the beast”. Amunet and her lover, Amun-Ra must never appear in the same incantation because it’s foretold that “all light would end and the hidden ones would emerge and rule” if they were put together. Amun-Ra is known as the God of everlasting life, sustained by feeding on the souls of others. See where this is going now? Yeah, neither do I. Well, except for the whole Egyptian vampire-thing. That’s pretty cool. And also different. Yay for different vampires that don’t sparkle!

Proteus and Victor are going for a walk outdoors. It’s endearing how fatherly Victor is towards his monster. Proteus is overwhelmed by the sights and sounds, and Victor calms him. Proteus is also speaking quite well now, and it’s apparent that Victor has put in a lot of time with him, teaching him how to be normal; human.

The scene between the two outdoors is absolutely wonderful. I think I fell in love with both Proteus, as a child, and Victor, as a man who loves a son, in this scene. The wonder in the monster’s eyes, the joy, the fear, the excitement. What a gorgeous scene. “Victor, fairy lights.” I just loved that.

Near the river, Proteus spies some boats, and names all the parts on the ship. This makes him remember that he had a wife, and he asks Victor, “What am I?” Unfortunately, the two are interrupted by Chandler and Brona before Victor can answer. Proteus is very sweet to Brona, and offers her a chestnut. He tells her to, “Enjoy the fairy lights.”, before they part ways.

Victor and Proteus return to Victor’s workshop, and  OH MY GOD, NO. GODDAMMIT, WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO MY FAVOURITE CHARACTERS?! HE’S TOTALLY SPLIT RIGHT IN TWO, WHICH IS A REALLY COOL EFFECT, BUT DAMMIT.

So, yeah, Proteus is killed, right after he happily talks about how many friends he’s going to make, by a man who calls himself Victor’s “firstborn”. Um, WTF DOES THAT MEAN?!

Is that guy Victor’s first creature? What happened to him? Where did he go? Why is he back? Why did he have to kill Proteus? Why was Chandler’s story so boring this week? How long can I stand Billie’s horrible Irish accent? Why is Dorian so hot, but so creepy? What’s with all the pictures in his house? What’s going on with Vanessa? Why was she so susceptible to possession? Did Malcolm actually have sex with his daughter? Where is Mina now? What is Chandler’s legal trouble? How will Victor take Proteus’s death? How many more questions will I ask here before I’m done?

Tune in next week for the answers to some of these questions! Maybe! Or maybe not! I have no idea! This show is confusing and creepy and weird!

See you next week! And remember; always check under your bed before you get into it. You never know who’ll be hiding underneath!

Movie Review: The LEGO Movie

I'm going to be honest here. When I saw the trailer for this movie, I was just 'meh' about it. I had no desire to see it. Even when my 5 year old daughter asked, I told her we'd just wait for the DVD. Yeah, I'm a mean mom.
Then it was released, and everyone and their dog went to see it. And everyone I know absolutely raved about it. One person that I hold in very high esteem literally couldn't stop tweeting about its brilliance. Well, that made me curious, and so my daughter and I made a date to see it this weekend.

You guys...oh my God, you guys, everything makes sense now. I get it. I understand the raving. I understand the reviews. I understand the 'best movie of the year' talk, even thought it's only February and there are still a butt-ton of movies to be released.
This movie was perfect. It was fun and touching and hilarious and magical.

My 5 year old loved it, although it was slightly beyond her understanding. It was a bit too complicated for her to follow, but with the bazillion actions scenes, that she didn't seem to care what else was going on.
Just a small warning-- This might be too much for busy or over-excitable kids. Like I said, there's a TON of action. This movie is non-stop, and that may cause many wiggles and over-stimulation in some kids. Also, there were one or two scenes that were difficult for my daughter to watch. More sensitive kids may cry or be sad. It helped when I reminded her that it wasn't real, but there were still a few tears.
Those parts are over quickly, and little brains are also able to move on. My daughter did want to discuss one certain tough part after the movie, but the movie handles the storyline well, and that particular sad part doesn't stay sad for long.

I'm really, really glad that I was able to experience such a wonderful movie with my daughter. She's been watching the 'blooper' video (see below) and the trailer since we got home, and she won't stop talking about it.

EVERYONE should see this movie, and, yes, everything IS awesome!

Reign-- For King and Country

Image from the CW

After tonight’s episode, I had to write down a few thoughts!

Things have changed completely! Like, the whole show—changed! …I’m not sure I like it yet.

Bash and Mary were quickly found and brought back to the palace. Mary ultimatums (yes, that word is now a verb. Deal with it.) the king—To save Francis, she wants Bash legitimized, and she’ll marry him instead of Francis. Um, o…kay? Why is that good, exactly? Francis is a whiny, weak little boy. The only thing he had going for him was that he was going to be king one day. Hell, even Henry mentions how weak Frankie is! So, without the throne, without Mary…what’s going to happen to him?!

The king agrees (wat? He does? Why?), and Bash will be the new king after Henry dies. Henry is preeeetty pissed at Catherine, and he wants to kill her. Instead, he banishes her to a convent…But wait! At the very last second, he decides against that and keeps her around. He wants to keep an eye on her. Which is good, because I was FREAKING OUT. I mean, Megan Follows (and Bash’s eyes. Oh, and kitchen-boy…where the hell IS kitchen-boy anyway?!) is the BEST thing about this show, and I was seriously about to give up on it without her!

Oh, and THEN crazy bag-lady freaking STABS Nossie in the neck, yo! WHAT THE HELL, DUDE?! So…is he gonna die?!

But my question is—

When the hell is Mary going to tell Bash—the future king and her new fiancé!—that she’s not a virgin?! I mean, that was NOT cool back in the day, right?! 

And lastly, WHERE THE HELL IS KITCHEN BOY?!
Oh, and poor Frankie, right? Yeah, I feel for him. But I’m Team Bash all the way. ;)

YA Book Review: Perfect Ruin by Lauren DeStefano

Paperback
356 pages
Expected Release Date: October 1, 2013
Publisher: Simon and Schuster Canada
Author: Lauren DeStefano
Series: The Internment Chronicles, Book 1
HUGE thank you to S&S Canada for sending me this book to review!

On Internment, the floating island in the clouds where 16-year-old Morgan Stockhour lives, getting too close to the edge can lead to madness. Even though Morgan's older brother, Lex, was a Jumper, Morgan vows never to end up like him. She tries her best not to mind that her life is orderly and boring, and if she ever wonders about the ground, and why it is forbidden, she takes solace in best friend Pen and her betrothed, Basil. Then a murder, the first in a generation, rocks the city. With whispers swirling and fear on the wind, Morgan can no longer stop herself from investigating, especially when she meets Judas. He is the boy being blamed for the murder — betrothed to the victim — but Morgan is convinced of his innocence. Secrets lay at the heart of Internment, but nothing can prepare Morgan for what she will find — or who she will lose.

This book was my introduction to Lauren DeStefano. I have the Chemical Garden Trilogy sitting right over there on my shelf, but I haven't read it yet.

After reading Perfect Ruin, that trilogy will be moved waaaaaay up in my TBR pile.

This book was AMAZING.

You know when you read a book, and the plot just makes you go, 'WHERE DID THIS EVEN COME FROM IN SOMEONE'S BRAIN?!'? Like The Hunger Games or Harry Potter or the Uglies series? Where the author just blows your mind because you have no idea how someone could be so brilliant and have an imagination so wild that it thinks up the most wonderful things?

Yeah, THAT'S what this book is.

Hundreds of years ago (probably), a huge chunk of the earth is somehow taken from the ground and put up into the sky. Way up, like, miles and miles and miles. And it just kind of...hangs there.

The people who live on the earth have no contact with the people who live in the sky--which is called Internment.

The people who live on Internment pretty much believe that their 'sky God' is responsible for everything that happens in their lives. 

But some question that, and some feel like they want more out of life. Some even try to go to the edge--something that is strictly forbidden--and see the ground for themselves. And sometimes those people even try to jump off.

Perfect Ruin is the story of Morgan, who's brother was one of those jumpers.

Morgan is a normal girl on Internment, with normal friends and a normal boyfriend--her betrothed, because the people of Internment can't choose who they want to marry.

But Morgan, like her brother, wants more. 

And so the story begins.

I really enjoyed the romance in this book. It's not shoved in your face with constant make-out sessions.

It's subtle and sweet and just really normal. 

I loved pretty much every character, with the exception of Royals--who we're supposed to hate--and Thomas, but I think even he will grow on my throughout the series.

Pen, Morgan and Basil are particularly easy to relate to.

I'd definitely recommend this book to all kids 12 and up, and to their parents. 

It's definitely a great book to read together and discuss.

The only downside? 

Now I have to wait until 2015 for book two! [Vader]NOOOOOOOOOOO![/Vader]