Tuesday, 24 June 2014

TV Recap: Penny Dreadful--What Death Can Join Together

Photo courtesy of Showtime

So I’m a bit weird. My brain often won’t shut off, so to fall asleep at night, I listen to podcasts. Recently, my favourite has been, “The Horror”, which releases old time radio shows twice a week. It’s cheesy and campy, and I love it, but, man, does it give me weird dreams! ( I promise I’m going somewhere with this…)

So the other night, I fell asleep listening to the podcast, and it was about Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. So what do I dream about that night? Why, our beloved Penny Dreadful, of course! And my dream just reiterated to me that a certain someone HAS to be Mr. Hyde. HAS TO, DAMMIT. But I’m still keeping the who a secret. For now.  Muhahahahaha! That was my evil laugh. Shut up, it is too evil.

Okay, on to week 6!

Whoa. In a slightly disorienting move, we pick up the morning after Fenton’s death and the Master’s visit. Man, was that only two weeks ago?!

Over at Brona’s, she’s coughing up a lung, and Chandler returns after his fling with Dorian. Speaking of Chandler, people have asked me why I call him Chandler and not Ethan. I think Chandler suits him better. Also, I watched Friends a lot. So, that’s why. Boring story, bro.

Brona apologizes for screaming at him the night before. At least, I think she does? I really still can’t understand her, so I have to guess most time when she speaks. I figure I’m about 50/50 at getting it right.
Brona gives Chandler her necklace to wear. It’s St. Jude, the patron saint of lost causes. Hahaha, that’s so fitting and also obvious.

Back at Malcolm’s, Vanessa checks the tarot cards and hears screams in her vision-thing. What the hell is it called when a vision is only hearing things?!

There’s also something about a boat. But then I got distracted because, HI, DORIAN.

We get a wonderful little glimpse of the young woman still inside Vanessa when Dorian asks her to go on an adventure. In all her seriousness—and who can blame her after the shit she’s gone through?—it’s easy to forget that she is still a young woman.

And then, poor dead Fenton, and Victor doing an autopsy on our favourite young vampire.

At the theater, Caliban gets a visit from Maude, the star of the plays and the woman he apparently loves. She talks about her burned brother, and is just very nice to him. This makes Caliban have a panic attack after she leaves. Y’know, as you do when you’re a monster and a pretty lady talks to you.

So, he sends Maude a book, and then watches, hidden, as she opens it…and then kisses her boyfriend and tells him that he has nothing to worry about when he asks if he should be jealous. This makes Caliban very sad, and he cries. It’s really depressing.

HOLY CRAP YOU GUYS, SEMBENE TALKS! And he says a lot! He warns Malcolm to prepare himself in case Mina can’t be saved. I like Sembene. I hope we get a backstory for him next season! I bet it’s awesome!

The adventure Dorian has is a photo shoot for Vanessa. It’s a very strange scene, and I feel like I’m missing something here. Dorian, in a nod to the audience I assume, mentions that he prefers paintings over photographs, and he and Vanessa have a strange exchange about the meaning of eternity. Is he suggesting that she might come to know about his painting? Or that he knows about the thing inside her? I have no idea.
Victor seems to be searching for woman-parts for Caliban’s bride when he meets with Van Helsing. They talk about love and fate and stuff. Van Helsing wants to hear Victor’s story. Not gonna happen, Van Helsing. You’d FREAK OUT.

And then things turn serious, when Van Helsing explains that he killed his wife by driving a stake through her heart and cutting off her head. Man, that escalated quickly, didn’t it?! He tells Victor all about vampires, and explains that they can’t tell Malcolm anything. Hmm, good decision, or bad? I DUNNO.
The two continue to talk as they walk outside. It’s dark, and suddenly someone runs up and drags Van Helsing away from Victor. It’s Caliban! He looks at Victor as he snaps Van Helsing’s neck! NOOOO, I LIKED THAT OLD DUDE, YOU MONSTER!

…so, I guess Caliban is living up to his promise to kill everyone Victor loves if he doesn’t get a bride. Man, what a jerk!

Malcolm sneaks out while Vanessa is having dinner with Dorian, and meets with Chandler. They’re going to explore a plague ship! Yaaaaaay, oh wait. That doesn’t sound fun AT ALL.

The plague ship is from Egypt, which could make for some interesting vampire fun! Let’s keep our fingers crossed!

Malcolm, Sembene and Chandler search the ship. There are many dead (are they dead or sleeping vampires?) people, but no Mina. Down below deck, the Master sleeps…

Suddenly, all of the vampire wake, and there’s a huge battle! Sembene is a pro with that wicked-looking knife he uses, and Malcolm and Chandler go at it with their guns. Apparently these vampires don’t need to be staked? Plain old bullets are good enough to do the deed?

The ship is on fire, but the Master shows himself. And he has Mina! Mina calls to her father, but he can’t get to them through the fire! The Master disappears with Mina!

At dinner, Vanessa and Dorian talk about philosophy and religion, and they do a lot of word-flirting. Meh, this while will-they-won’t-they is getting kinda boring now.

Vanessa checks out Dorian’s portrait collection, in the dark. I mean, seriously, why is it so dark?! It wasn’t that dark when Chandler was there. TURN SOME DAMN LIGHTS ON, CHEAPSKATE.

And then, um, crazy sex with knives and biting and blood. Hey, they’re consenting adults. Whatever floats your boat, amirite? (But it’s still weird and creepy…)

I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT’S HAPPENING AGAIN, WHAT IS THAT WHAT IS GOING ON NOW?! Some voice talks inside Vanessa’s head while she’s boinking Dorian, and it’s REALLY weird and creepy. She flees as Dorian looks on. Poor guy! One minute, boinking, the next, poof, no chick for boinking!
Okay, so did she run because the voice in her head scared her? Did she run because it wasn’t *her* screwing Dorian, but the thing inside her? I DON’T EVEN KNOW.

In the end, Dorian goes to check out his painting, and we can see his cuts and scratches healing miraculously.
Oh, and Vanessa heads home, looking HORRIBLE. Malcolm wants to talk to her, but instead, Vanessa floats and spins 4 feet off the ground in front of him.


Okay, so, yeah! Um, that was an insane episode, which I pretty much predicted would happen after last week’s quiet backstory.

Who was speaking to her? Amun-Ra? Why? What does he want?
When are we going to see Dorian’s picture?
Will Brona live? Will Chandler get sick?
Where’s Mina now?
Is there anyone in the show that Dorian isn’t going to have sex with?!

Two episodes left, you guys! Get ready for a wild ride!

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