Doctor Who : Last Christmas

Happy Whomas, everyone! WELP, THERE WAS NO BABY AND I WAS VERY WRONG. Bah.

ANYway, I literally have no idea whether or not I liked this episode and it’s driving me nuts! Hooray!

I mean, it was LOADS better than The Doctor, The Widow and the Wardrobe, and The Snowmen, but it definitely wasn’t my favourite. I think maybe I liked it much more until it reached a certain point, and then I felt a little let down. I’ll let you know which point that was when I get to it in this recap. ;)

One wonderful thing…one wonderful, AMAZING thing, is that we finally see the Doctor we’ve been waiting all season to see. The man we’ve come to know and love over (at least) the last eight seasons. The man full of wonder and magic, fun and joy, and who has a special innocence and child-like glee. I absolutely teared-up when he was driving the sleigh. THIS is the Doctor I miss so much, and I truly hope to see him more often in series 9.

Alright then, welcome to the Doctor Who version of Inception! On with the show!

We open with a loud bang, and Clara wakes from her slumber. She finds her way to the roof, where she finds Santa has crashed his sleigh. Santa bickers with his two elves (do you recognize Dan Starkey out of his Sontaran costume?) when we hear an old familiar sound…the TARDIS lands on the rooftop. The Doctor pops out, Clara enters the blue box, Santa and the Doctor bicker, and the Doctor and Clara take off on their adventure.

They arrive on a base in the North Pole, where a scientist is trying to walk through a room full of monsters. These monsters, called “dream crabs”, grab on to your face, yes, exactly like Alien. Also, they make you dream while they kill you. As long as you’re not thinking about them, they stay asleep and you’re safe. The scientist, Shona, dances her way through the room. It’s hilariously awesome. Enter the Doctor and Clara. The monsters awake, and the Doctor tries to distract Clara from thinking about them by mentioning Danny. Clara comes clean—after slapping the Doctor (again with the slapping?), and tells him Danny is dead. The monsters attack, but PHEW! Santa and his elves save the day!

There’s some bickering, again, about Santa being real or not, Santa and the Doctor explain dream crabs, and Santa brings in a dead one. Of course, it’s not dead….but that’s a long story. Santa continues to explain his existence… he’s played wonderfully by Nick Frost, by the way. A real highlight of the episode, and the Doctor comes clean to Clara and tells her he never found Gallifrey. Camera footage shows the Doctor exactly how the dream crabs got onto the base, and he sends Clara off to get a thing. She’s attacked by a dream crab. WHAT A SURPRISE.

Suddenly, Clara wakes up. To see DANNY EFFING PINK. WHAT. WHAAAAT?! Yeah, so this is probably where I’m supposed to cry, and I usually would, wouldn’t I? I mean, I’m hugely emotional and I cry at everything…but Moffat, dude, you’re trying too hard here. See, Danny already had a wonderful, perfect send-off, and we didn’t need this. This cheapened the way he died, and, honestly, I’m a bit miffed that he was brought back for this episode. So, no. Sorry. This dream was a huge fail for me. NEXT!

The Doctor tries to communicate with Clara in her dream, but in the end he has to allow a dream crab (can I just mention that I keep typing ‘dream crab’ to ‘dream crap’, and that’s hilariously accurate?) to attach itself to him so that he can enter her dream. There’s more Danny fanwank, but eventually both the Doctor and Clara are able to safely exit the dream. NOPE. Y’see, it’s a dream in a dream in a dream in a, WELCOME TO INCEPTION YOU GUISE WHERE’S LEO DICAPRIO WHEN YOU NEED HIM?

This dream is back on the polar base. The Doctor explains that they never survived the first attack; Santa never saved them. He’s not actually real. He’s something their minds made up to try to protect them from turning into mush. Santa and his elves confirm that, and he explains how they can wake up.

They all take hands, much to the Doctor’s dismay, and try to wake up. It works!
…not. They ‘wake’ still on the polar base, and the Doctor says a quick goodbye to the polar crew as he enters the TARDIS.  He prepares to leave when Clara asks him how Santa could have been on her roof. This gives him his usual epiphany. The sleepers—the ones in the base that have been taken over by the dream crabs—are them; the people on the base. But they’re not actually on the base. (Oh my god I’m not even making sense) They’re scattered all over the world, and have been networked into the same dream. And then Professor Albert dies. Oh, he was played by Michael Troughton, by the way. Is that name familiar? If not, Google it. Go on, I’ll wait………….SEE?! HOW COOL IS THAT?! J

The group is cornered by dozens of sleepers, when, WHO YOU GONNA CALL?! Santa saves the day! They all climb into Santa’s sleigh, and here’s the scene I just loved. The Doctor’s utter glee while driving was beautiful! “Look at me, look! I’m riding a sleigh! I’m riding a sleigh!” I missed the happy so much!

As they ride in the sleigh, each person begins to remember their actual life. Each wakes in their own time, and none remembers anything about the dream. It’s a bit sad. (But who the hell is Dave?!)

Okay, now remember at the top when I said I’d let you know which point was a let-down? We’re here. 

Clara. Clara, who chooses to stay on the sleigh long after she should. The Doctor finds her and saves her from the dream crab, but she’s old. He’s been away for 62 years, and Clara had a long, full life without him. She looks happy, and this would have been a perfect goodbye for Clara. I cried. This is exactly as it should be. This is perfect. This is wonderful. Dying of old age after a wonderful life, some of it while traveling through time and space with a daft old mad man with a box. What could be better than that? But, nope. That’s too perfect, I guess. Moffat wasn’t ready to leave Clara behind yet, and so, with Santa’s help, the Doctor is allowed to go back to save young Clara.

And young Clara chooses to again travel with the Doctor, apparently for a whole new series, as reported by the BBC earlier today. (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-30602537)

Jenna Coleman will pass Karen Gillan as the longest-running companion of the new series, with at least 3 seasons under her belt. And the episode was…good. It was good. I enjoyed most of it. It was ten minutes too long, and I definitely could have seen Shona as the new companion. As always, I have hope for the new season. I always do. I love this show, and I love Capaldi. I remember what this show once meant to me, and I long to feel those feelings again.

I have faith that one day I will.

My favourite lines:

“We’ve got ghosts! A skeleton man and a girl in a nightie!”

“Beardy-Weirdy, how do you get all the presents on the sleigh?”
“Bigger on the inside.”

“There’s a horror movie called Alien? That’s really offensive, no wonder everyone keeps invading you.”

“As the Doctor might say, ‘Ohh, it’s all about dreamy-weamy.’”

“Clara Oswald, you’ll never look any different to me.”

Merry Christmas and happy holidays, Whovians. I’ll see you back here in 2015 for The Magician’s Apprentice!

Doctor Who: Death in Heaven

I’m…satisfied. Not blown away, not disappointed, not frustrated, not stunned….but satisfied.

The acting in this finale was superb. Michelle Gomez killed it. She IS the Master. Jenna was great, Samuel was brilliant, and Capaldi was….well, Capaldi was The Doctor. Absolute perfection. As finales go, this was okay. Better than some, not as good as others. I thought the storyline itself was a bit clunky, but the heartstring-tugs more than made up for that. I know some of you are going to absolutely HATE that they turned the Brig into a Cyberman, but I thought it was brilliant and wonderful and a really fantastic tribute to the man. Yes, I bawled. That salute? BAWLED.

One thing pissed me off—Osgood. I knew someone had to die, and I understand why it had to be Osgood, but I’m still upset about it. She kind of represented the fangirl/boy in all of us. I really, really liked her. And to kill her right after she’d been asked to travel with the Doctor? Ugh, heartbreaking.

I still don’t know why Missy said she’d, “Chosen well” when talking about Clara, and why the heck did her accent change all of a sudden for no reason at all? She just wanted to sound like the Doctor, I guess? How did Missy even know about Clara? The reasons here seemed very weak. Was it just me?

The Clara-themed opening credit scene (what? You didn’t notice that her eyes had replaced Capaldi’s there?!) was a nice tribute, IF she’s really leaving the show...which I’m not yet convinced of.

I wish we’d seen more of Seb. He was fun. A bit wasted, in my opinion, much like poor Danny. To have such a meager existence through the whole series, just to be sacrificed at the end…it seems like such a waste. I liked Danny’s character a lot, and I wish more had come of him.

The Cybermen popping out of the graves was macabre, wasn’t it? I wonder how the wee Whovians took to that. Dark Water, falling from the sky to resurrect the dead and make them Cybermen…and again, poor Danny. Poor, poor, Danny. If he had to be killed off, it really was in a wonderful way (“I will burn”), for a wonderful reason, and oh my god, what he did at the end? When he sent back to boy instead of coming home himself? I DIED. So, although a wasted character, he did do much good, and he will be remembered. I guess that’s pretty important too, right?

Missy was amazing. Hilarious (“Hey Missy you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind…” HAHAHAHA.), insane (“This is our secret girl plan.”), scary (“Bananas.”), sad (“I need my friend back.”)…ugh, I just loved her. I LOVED her, just as much as I loved Simm’s Master. Hell, maybe even MORE than I loved Simm’s Master! And I’m REALLY glad she’s not dead!
…oh, you didn’t catch that? Yeah, after Cyber-Brig (BEST MOMENT SO MUCH SOBBING) shoots her, but before she dies, Missy teleports outta there. At least that’s MY theory. ;)

I’m 100% sure she’s not dead, and 99% sure she’s going to regenerate, and that we haven’t seen the last of the Master!

 And speaking of the Brig…Saving the Doctor’s soul, saving his daughter from certain death, there in the darkest hour…Moffat, you softie. Where does Cyber-Brig go? I really hope they let it lie now. I thought Eleven’s phone call was a fine goodbye to him, but this tops that, and now it should be done. But that salute…oh, that salute. That was just really, really well done. Thanks, Moffat, for this little bit of fanwankery.

The scene in the TARDIS, when the Doctor doesn’t find Gallifrey at the coordinates that Missy gave him…that was heartbreaking. Empty space, nothing but stars, and Capaldi nails the Doctor’s pain and anger and sorrow. Damn you, Missy!

In the end, both Clara and the Doctor lie to one another, and part ways. Although I’m certain that we haven’t seen the last of Clara. I’m 1000% certain she’s back in the Christmas special, and I’m 990% certain that she’ll have a small child in tow—the one I *still* think she’s pregnant with at the end of this episode; Danny’s child. The Christmas special will be Clara’s final farewell, and she’ll get a proper send-off, like she deserves. This one was too…small. Companions ALWAYS get a big send off, right?

A few things I noticed:

Clara’s fingers are tapping on the table when the Doctor enters the restaurant at the end. Now, I rewound it and listened a bunch of times, and I SWEAR that she’s drumming the Master’s theme on that damn tabletop!
…but I’m sure I’m overthinking this, and probably a bit crazy myself. ;)

Those coordinates that Missy gave the Doctor—do they mean anything? Is Gallifrey at those coordinates, but in a different dimension? Or did Missy just say the one thing she knew would hurt the Doctor?

Let’s talk a bit about season 9—finding Gallifery? Perhaps we’ll see a new, regenerated Master, ruling Gallifery? Or will it be about the Doctor’s journey to find his home, and the finale will be him finally finding it? Hmm.

And lastly, let’s talk about that mid-credit scene, with the brilliant Nick Frost as old Saint Nick himself!
“It can’t end like that. She’s not all right.”

Does he mean Clara? Or Missy? Or neither? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WAIT UNTIL CHRISTMAS TO FIND OUT?!

Before I go, here’s the trailer for the Christmas episode. 

I see Clara (thanks, George, for pointing her out), Dan Starkey, who usually plays Strax, is one of Santa’s elves near the end there, is that possible Madame Vastra exiting the TARDIS, or another alien? Or those Silurians under those sheets, or, again, another alien? I HAVE NO IDEA.

What did you guys think of the finale? Any thoughts on the Christmas special? Post ‘em if you got ‘em!

Doctor Who: Dark Water

Well then. I'm still stunned. I truly have no idea how to feel about what I just watched. I mean, as episodes go, this one was average. Why does it take Danny's death for the Doctor to visit the afterlife? Of all the people he's lost--Adric, The Brig, Amy and Rory--why is Danny's death the one that makes him decide to have a gander? Ugh, nope. NOPE.

But that reveal, you guys. THAT F**KING MISSY REVEAL. WITH THE DRUMS AND EVERYTHING.

I honestly thought it was too obvious. I honestly thought that all of you that thought Missy = Master were crazy because it's just *too* obvious. But for once, Moffat went obvious, and I'm not sure whether I'm okay with that.

Michelle Gomez, who plays Missy, is a great Master. Holy crap, do I call her Missy or the Master now? I DON'T KNOW. Regardless, Missy, the character, is great. I have no issues with her actress, although I truly hope we get to see a John Simm regeneration ("Whoa, new vagina. Weird.").
IF this is an incarnation of the Master that's after Simm. Of course, if could be from BEFORE Professor Yana. He's had a long life, and we haven't seen anywhere near all of it yet. How effing brilliant would it be if the events of the next few episodes lead to Missy regenerating into Yana and fob-watching himself?! OH MY GOD WHY AM I NOT WRITING FOR THIS SHOW I'M DAMN BRILLIANT.

Regardless, I'm still pretty confused, so I guess everything will be wrapped up in the finale? Was Missy the woman in the shop? What did she mean by, "My Clara" and "I chose well" and "I like his accent, I think I'll keep it"?
Did Missy somehow choose Clara as a companion for the Doctor? How, and why?
How did she escape Gallifrey? How is she back on earth? Who's Seb? Does the Master now have a companion?

Lets move onto Danny--by the way TOTALLY CALLED HIS DEATH LAST WEEK. Will Danny stay dead? Will Danny be turned into a Cyberman? Seeing the reflection of the boy Danny killed in the iPad just as Danny was about to push "delete"; what effect will that have on Danny? Will he keep his feelings, and become a Cyberman who feels and remembers? I'ma go with that theory. CyberDanny with feels. Man, it was sad to find out that he'd unknowingly killed a kid...and then that kid came back and wanted to see him in death...so, so dark. So, so sad.

What about Clara? Holy hell, I hated her in this episode. HATED. HATED SO MUCH. Okay, she and Danny have been dating for a few months, right? Poor Danny dies. SO CLARA EFFING BLACKMAILS HER BEST FRIEND AND A MAN SHE'S KNOWN FOR YEARS AND THREATENS TO TAKE HIM AWAY FROM HIS HOME (the TARDIS) AND TRAP HIM ON EARTH FOREVER BECAUSE HE WON'T CROSS THE TIMESTREAM AND SAVE A BOY?!?! WHAT?!?!?!??!?!
Yeah, I HATED that. A LOT. I don't care if it was all a dream--wtf was that all about anyway, a dream sequence?! Yeah, THAT'S not overused at all.
Also, why does the Doctor need the TARDIS keys, exactly? He can open the door with a snap of his fingers. Or a kick to the door, as we've seen this season.
If Missy was the woman in the shop, wouldn't Clara recognize her now? Unless she used a disguise, I suppose...

This was a very dark episode. Like, incredibly dark. In Britain, Doctor Who is still very much considered a show for kids. This episode was NOT for kids. Most of this season wasn't for kids, but most especially this episode. The 3 words--Don't cremate me.
My god. So disturbing. So dark. It almost hurt to watch some of this episode, and I worry for those viewers that have suffered a recent loss.

How did the Doctor not know Missy was a Timelord? I thought Timelords could detect each other? Did he know when Missy had the Doctor feel her, er...hearts?
How will he cope with the return of the Master? Will this lead them back to Gallifrey? OH MY GOD PLEASE LET SERIES 9 BE GETTING BACK TO AND FINDING GALLIFREY.

What's going to happen with the Cybermen? Are all dead and buried people going to rise up? "All the graves of the planet earth are about to give birth." Can you imagine if the Doctor encountered a Cyberman that called him "Raggedy Man"? OH MY GOD I SHOULD TOTALLY WRITE FOR THIS SHOW, CYBER-AMY WOULD BE AMAZING.
How will the Cyber army be defeated? I bet Danny will have something to do with it.
Will Danny then be allowed to come back to life somehow? Will he and Clara get their happily ever after? I still think Clara is pregnant...Is that the reason for the odd phone call that got Danny killed in the first place? Or will CyberDanny kill Clara? Would that make the Doctor change things, and bring Clara back? Make it so that CyberDanny never existed, and Danny never died? Will that be Danny's "bad day"? The day he killed Clara? I HAVE ENTIRELY TOO MANY THEORIES. MY BRAIN IS MUSH RIGHT NOW.

...or is Missy lying? Is she really the Master? Moffat lies...Maybe it's Seb. Maybe it's Missy. Maybe its neither.
And what the hell does the Master have to do with Cybermen? What is the Nethersphere?! Why are they using the dead to make Cybermen?!

And who the hell is Dr. Skarosa? SKAROsa. SKARO....sa. I HAVE NO FREAKING IDEA. I NEED TO GO LIE DOWN NOW. MY BRAIN HURTS. OKAY, BYE.

Doctor Who: Season 8

I'm mad, you guys. Really, really mad. Many of you have noticed that I'm not recapping Doctor Who lately. A lot of that is because life got in my way for awhile, but a lot of it is also because, frankly, I just don't give a crap. Me, one of the biggest Doctor Who fans around, doesn't. Give. A crap. About Doctor Who. WHAT IS HAPPENING?!

I'm tried of mediocre, I'm tired of silly, I'm tired of poor writing and plot holes and ignoring and/or rewriting Doctor Who canon and lore. This is so far from the Doctor Who that I fell in love with, that it might as well be a whole different show. Capaldi is being wasted, and it pisses me off.

Murder on the Orient Express? Mediocre. Slightly scary, neat monster. The rest was forgettable.

Flatline? Tripe. Hated it. The story was stupid. Clara was great.

In the Forest of the Night? An episode of Sarah Jane Adventures without Sarah Jane (RIP, Lis). Again, mediocre, silly. WTF was with the end? Where the hell did the sister even come from? Most of it made zero sense. It was pointless.

I'm afraid of what the 2-part finale will bring. Will we get a Listen, or a Kill the Moon? I don't know, but I really, really want it to be good.

So, sorry, you guys. Thanks for understanding.

Oh, and for the record? I think Danny dies which makes Clara turn against the Doctor in the finale. I also still say she might be Missy. Miss C, y'know? Missy. Clara from the future, or from another timeline or something.
But Missy could also be a personification of the Doctor himself. She does call Clara, "My Clara", like he does, along with all the other hints about the accent, how she chose Clara, etc.
So, I dunno. But Danny's gonna die, I guarantee it. ;)

Doctor Who: Kill The Moon

Wh...what the.....? What was....WHAT THE DID I JUST WATCH?! That was horrible! HORRIBLE! That was like, right there with Fear Her and Love and Monsters. That was SO, SO BAD, YOU GUYS.

Look, I get that Doctor Who is science fiction. I get that. I watch it every week, and I suspend belief all the time. He’s an alien with two hearts that travels time and space in a blue box, and I believe that. I allow my brain to accept that as truth when I watch Doctor Who. But this?! This is unacceptable.

First, you can’t just change science! If the moon’s mass changed even slightly, the world would be completely screwed up. Also, even if it popped out of existence for just a few seconds, like it did at the end of this episode, again, the world would be completely screwed.

Second, this episode just changed a TON of Doctor Who canon, didn't? Am I wrong? What about to UNIT’s Moonbase?! What about the travel to Mars? How can the space program have stopped in 2039 according to this episode, and was going on just fine from 2041 onward in Waters of Mars? And according to web pages seen in Waters of Mars, numerous lunar missions happened, including ten German missions and Project Pit Stop, which built a refueling station on the moon.

I AM SO CONFUSED.

Oh, and don’t even get me started on the egg thing, the OH MY GOD LOOK A NEW MOON WAS LAID BY A NEWBORN ALIEN THE EXACT SAME SIZE AS THE EGG IS JUST LAID IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE LAST MOON HATCHED SO EVERYTHING IS OKAY AND COMPLETELY BACK TO NORMAL, and how mean and, yeah, I’m gonna go there, abusive and controlling the Doctor is to Clara in this episode.

**WARNING. SNARK AHEAD**

On the moon in 2049, Clara contacts earth to ask for help with a decision. The Doctor is gone, and possibly not coming back. Courtney is with her. A life hangs in the balance, and they have 45 minutes to decide what to do…

Jump backwards in time, to Coal Hill School. Clara tells the Doctor that he told Courtney she’s not special. Courtney has been acting up since, and Clara wants him to fix it. Seriously? I mean…seriously? I honestly don’t even know how to comment on how stupid that is…

Clara and the Doctor enter the TARDIS, and Courtney is already there. How? Does she have a key? He never just leaves it open….except this on time, I guess? Courtney whines about not being special, and the Doctor decides to take her to the moon.

Instead of the moon, the TARDIS lands on a shuttle filled with nuclear bombs. It crash lands on the moon. The Doctor explains to his companions and the shuttle’s crew that gravity is broken, and the moon has gained mass. ….what? Just….what? How would the moon suddenly gain mass. Like, suddenly, all of a sudden?! WAT.

So, the crew is going to explode the moon, because it’s gotten fat. That’s what the bombs are for. WHAT.

They all go explore a moon mine that’s covered in cobwebs. WHAT?!? One of the crew goes off to arm the bombs. The moon mine was abandoned ten years ago. No one knows what happened to the crew. No one could get up to the moon because they had no shuttles. Or rockets. OR FRICKING ANYTHING, ANYWHERE?! WHAT?!?!?!? So it took them ten years to get a shuttle out of a museum and go see what happened to the moon miners. Guys, we’re eleven minutes in and I feel like my head is going to explode…

The moon miners are discovered dead, and another of the crew goes off alone to get some power on. I WONDER WHO’S GONNA DIE IN THIS EPISODE?!

The power comes back on, but it’s unreliable and flashes in and out spookily. The Doctor examines the miner’s data and realizes that the moon is coming apart. ….WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?

Outside, the astronaut that went to arm the bombs is killed by something unseen.

Back in the mining compound, something is skittering around in the dark. It’s an alien spider-thing, and it attacks the astronaut that was trying to get the power on when he enters the room. Courtney gets separated from the Doctor and Clara when the door between them closes. She suddenly goes floating through the air. Gravity fails…but why is the spider not floating? WHY??

Gravity comes back, and the spider almost attacks Courtney, but she sprays and kills it with the Windex she just happens to have packed in her spacesuit backpack. WHAT?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!??!?

The Doctor explains that the spiders are actually huge single-celled germs. So…what about the webs? WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING?!

He also explains that Courtney floated because the mass of the moon shifted. It’s an unstable mass. I CAN’T EVEN…

Courtney asks to go home, and the Doctor and Clara argue about it. He puts Courtney into the TARDIS for safe-keeping.

Clara mentions having been in the future and remembering seeing the moon. The Doctor explains—he explains a lot this episode—that there are some things he can’t see. Grey areas when big things are decided. He can’t tell what happens to the moon because what happens hasn’t been decided yet. Which means it’s up to them to decide. …..wut?

The Doctor, Clara and the remaining astronaut find more dead miners outside, and the Doctor is attacked by a germ. He saves himself, and they see hundreds of germs hiding in a moon cave. And then he discovers amniotic fluid on the moon, and jumps into a moon crater. WHAT?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Courtney is bored and putting moon pictures on Tumblr, and Clara watches the shuttle—with the TARDIS aboard—fall into a crater during a moonquake. Courtney is fine, and uses a disc to eventually bring the TARDIS back to the Doctor.

The Doctor returns from his trip into the crater, and explains that the moon isn’t breaking apart. The moon is hatching. The moon is an egg. And that was when I literally said out loud in my empty living room, “Oh for f**cking sh** this is ridiculous.” I almost turned it off, you guys. That’s NEVER happened before. Not for the scribble monster, not for the stupid oral sex with pavement that has a face joke…but this? This was almost it for me. It’s only because you guys are relying on me that I continued. THIS IS MY SACRIFICE FOR YOU, DEAR READERS!

So for a hundred billion years, the moon has been an egg, growing and preparing to hatch. The spiders are bacteria on a living organism. Got it? Okay.

The astronaut wants to know how to kill it…and here’s where the anti-abortion debate begins. The Doctor, Clara and Courtney argue for the life, and the astronaut argues for the lives of billions on earth, which is pointless, because in both situations, EVERYONE IS GOING TO DIE ANYWAY! Human beings can’t freaking survive without the moon! ARGH. And, no. That’s all I’m going to say about the apparent anti-abortion message in this episode.

Clara asks the Doctor to help them decide what to do, and he refuses. “It’s not my earth, not my moon.” Because, y’know, he’s never, ever before made a decision to save the earth. Never, ever, ever. WHAT?!?!?!?!??!?!????!?!!!!??!!??!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

And then he leaves in the TARDIS. He leaves them to make the decision on their own. He LEAVES IN THE TARDIS AND ABANDONS HIS BEST FRIEND ON A MOON THAT’S INCREDIBLY UNSTABLE AND ABOUT TO BREAK APART. HE LEAVES HIS BEST. FRIEND. That’s it. My mind has exploded. I literally cannot even comprehend this anymore. IS THIS EVEN DOCTOR WHO ANYMORE?! WAT IS THIS SHOW?!

The two women fight about what to do; Clara wants to let the egg hatch, the astronaut wants to destroy it. The astronaut arms the bombs, and gives them an hour to make a final decision. Clara broadcasts to earth and asks them to help make the decision. She tells them that if they want to destroy the egg, they should turn their lights off. If they want to let it live, they should leave their lights on. All of the lights on earth go off. I’m not going to bring up how unlikely that is. Nope, not even gonna.

Clara almost listens to the people on earth…almost. But she presses the abort button on the bombs just in time. Just as she does, the TARDIS returns and the Doctor orders them all inside.

He takes them to a beach, where they watch the moon hatch. A huge dragon-thing flies away. The Doctor looks into the timelines—and this is pretty much the only cool part in the whole episode—and tells them what happens to humankind in the future, and then he tells Courtney she’s special, but in his own words.

AND THEN THE NEWBORN DRAGON-THING LAYS AN EGG EXACTLY THE SAME SIZE, SHAPE AND MASS AS THE OLD EGG, AND BIGGER THAN IT’S OWN FREAKING BODY WAS, AND TOTALLY MAKES THIS WHOLE FREAKING EPISODE COMPLETELY SILLY AND POINTLESS WHAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?

The Doctor drops everyone off, but Clara stays. She’s angry. Much more angry that we’ve ever seen her. She threatens to smack him so hard he’ll regenerate. I’m not okay with that line at all. That’s not an okay line. Why is that an okay line? That’s a disturbing line, especially because of the way it’s delivered.

The Doctor explains that he had faith in Clara making the right choice and that Courtney will now become president of the US, which is impossible, because she’s English, but I guess the writers don’t care about the US Constitution.

Clara, now crying angry tears, is done. She’s just done with him, and his patronizing, disrespectful ways. And, for once, I’m on Clara’s side here. He was borderline abusive in this episode, and I’m not at all impressed with this. There’s being dark, which is what I was looking forward to with Capaldi’s Doctor, and then there’s being an abusive, controlling, patronizing asshole. The writers crossed that line with this episode, and they need to fix it, fast.

Clara tells the Doctor to leave, and to never come back. She’s done. The Doctor leaves.

Danny enters Clara’s classroom, and he can see that it’s happened. The Doctor has pushed Clara too far. Clara explains  everything. Danny is really brilliant in this particular scene, and I’m pretty sure I fell in love with him here, you guys. Danny mentions that he’s had a bad day, and Clara goes home to look at the moon…

You know my opinion about this episode, but I’d love to hear yours. Am I being too harsh?

Thoughts and Theories:

-What was Danny’s bad day? I’m of two minds on that. 1) It’s the anniversary of the day he killed the civilian—and I think it was a female civilian, by the way. Or 2) He’s just returned from a future trip with the Doctor where something bad happened, and was brought back to this timeline to comfort Clara for some reason.

-No mention of Missy or the Promise Land.

-Is Clara done? No sign of her in the next time trailer. No way is she done. That’s just some nice editing by the trailer creators.

-Will she then forgive the Doctor, or is her presence in the next episodes forced somehow?

-I’m not even going to bring up the moonegg, the moonegg creature, or anything else about this stupid episode.

Best Lines:

She took your psychic paper. She’s been using it as fake ID.

Shoot the little girl first.

Oh she can’t post that; she can’t put pictures of me online!

Okay, now watch the next time trailer, and meet me back here next week!

Doctor Who: The Caretaker

I…I don’t know how I feel about this episode. Directly after I finished watching The Caretaker, I thought I’d enjoyed it. It was fun, amusing, light, and reminded me a bit of The Lodger, an episode I love. But after sleeping on it, the small nit-picky things started to add up in my brain, and I realized that I didn’t like it as much as I thought I did.

Nit-picky things like the way the Doctor treats Clara sometimes. Why does he have to constantly insult her appearance? That’s not funny anymore. The Danny/Clara romance. Yep, I’m going back to that again. I just wish it wasn’t there. The new character, Courtney. Omg, I hate her. I really hope she gets better because I don’t think I can put up with her for very long (and if one of my theories is correct—see below—I may not have to. WINK, WINK).  We’ve just seen this before, y’know? The companion with the boyfriend who has to hide her adventures from him. Like Rose and Mickey. Like Amy and Rory. Why do we have to do this again?

So this was just another okay episode for me. But okay is better than ‘meh’. It was enjoyable, it was fun, it did have some amusing bits. It just wasn’t a home run, fantastic, can’t beat this, ever episode for me.

Let’s get on to it, then!

We open with a sweaty Doctor and companion chained up on a hot planet. They’re bickering about how they’re going to get free. And then a bunch of quick flashes—On a date with Danny, who notices that Clara is much more tanned than she was—Flash--the Doctor in the TARDIS beckons to Clara and mentions fish people—Flash--in a cab with Danny, Clara is very wet and has seaweed in her hair—and it continues in this manner for a few more flashes. I’m dizzy now.

So, yeah, basically Clara is having a hard time trying to have a normal dating life while travelling through all of time and space. Fortunately, the Doctor has decided that he needs to go undercover for a while, and Clara can’t go with him. They have a finger-snapping TARDIS-door-opening argument, and Clara exits. I guess she’ll, “See him when she sees him.”

At Coal Hill School—and by the way, this would have been a PERFECT episode for an Ian Chesterton cameo. It makes me sad that they didn’t add one—Clara and Danny arrive separately, at the same time. The new character, Courtney, is on the steps, giggling at them. Danny and Clara discuss how busy Clara’s been lately, and she promises that the next few days are all about him. Unfortunately, that’s a lie…

At a staff meeting, a new caretaker is introduced. His name is John Smith, but most people call him The Doctor…

Clara gets the Doctor alone and confronts him. He won’t tell her why he’s there…yet. But there is a River mention, which is fun. It’s often difficult to remember that this is the same man that *is* still married to River Song!

Outside, a police officer hears a noise and enters an abandoned building…full of mannequins. We see those a lot in Doctor Who, don’t we? Pesky autons. But this time, it’s not the mannequins we have to worry about. It’s a skittering, robotic alien thing, and it kills the police officer.

At the school, Clara finds the Doctor…eventually. As she makes her way to him, she’s stopped by students and teachers alike, and Courtney is one of them. Courtney says…something?...to Clara. I can’t understand what it is she says, even after rewinding and turning the volume way up. Neither can Clara, apparently. Since it happens more than once, I’m guessing it’s important, and we’ll hear more of it in upcoming episodes?

The Doctor is attempting to fix something, and Danny is watching on. Clara eavesdrops as the Doctor insults Danny. We’re again shown that the Doctor isn’t at all fond of soldiers. Yet another thing that will be explained, eventually? Danny leaves, and Clara brings up his last name; Pink. She tries to remind the Doctor of another Pink they recently met, and he doesn’t remember at all. Is he lying? Hmm.

The Doctor places a small blinking device inside the electrical box and asks Clara about her boyfriend. Clara is immediately stopped by a teacher who looks pretty much exactly like the Eleventh Doctor, complete with an adorable mop of hair and a bow tie. Of course, our new Doctor assumes that this is the boyfriend.

We now go into a small montage of the Doctor doing his caretaker duties and placing small blinking devices around the school, and of Clara doing her teacher duties. In a hilarious scene, the Doctor sees Clara disciplining a couple of student, and whistles a familiar line from Pink Floyd’s “Another Brick in the Wall” at her. I loved that little touch.

The Doctor returns to his workshop, where he’s hidden the TARDIS. Courtney enters, looking for paper towels. She inquires about the blue box, and about the green glow that was coming from inside the box. The Doctor brushes her off, and as she exits and Clara enters, Courtney again says something to Clara that I can’t understand at all. Is it in a different language, or am I just bad at hearing the accent?

The Doctor finally tells Clara why he’s there. He’s searching for an alien—a Skovox Blitzer, one of the deadliest creatures in the galaxy. He then brings out a new toy—a watch of invisibility! …so where was this when he’s needed it a thousand times before?! Are we just creating new tech for the purpose of one story again?! This watch will probably never be seen after this episode. Ugh. UGH. I hate that.

Right, so the Doctor explains how he’s going to catch the Skovox—he’s going to activate the blinky things, keep it from scanning him with the watch of invisibility, and suck it into a time vortex. Easy-peasy!

The Doctor brings up Clara’s boyfriend, but there’s a miscommunication. He’s actually talking about the Eleven doppleganger, and she thinks he means Danny. He says that he likes the boyfriend, and essentially approves because he thinks she’s pretty much dating his former self. Um. Wat.

Later that night, the Doctor hunts the Skovox, Clara hunts for the Doctor, and Danny finds blinky things. The Doctor, while invisible, finds the Skovox. It chases him into the school, where Danny sees them. Danny is almost killed by the Skovox, Clara finds them both and tries to pull Danny to safety. The Doctor gets the Skovox into the time portal, yells at Danny for deactivating the blinky things, and Danny finally realizes that something isn’t right here…

The Skovox is gone, but it’ll be back. In three days. And now they need a new plan, because it saw the Doctor, and it’ll kill him on sight. Danny—who the Doctor now calls P.E.—questions Clara. He understands that she’s a space woman. Clara says it’s all a play…apparently she thinks her boyfriend is an idiot.

Danny realizes who the Doctor really is…he thinks he’s her dad. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Clara tells the Doctor that Danny is her boyfriend. The Doctor denies that for a while, and Clara admits that she loves Danny. The Doctor is jealous. JEALOUS. That’s very apparent, and it’s kinda sad.

Clara finally admits to Danny that the Doctor is an alien, and that they’re time travellers. She shows him the TARDIS, and now Danny is in the elite “I know the Doctor club.”

Danny asks if the Doctor brought the Skovox, and the Doctor denies that. He’s absolutely lying. Earlier he said that the Skovox was there because it was attracted to the arton energy. Only one thing creates arton energy. The TARDIS. It’s because of the Doctor’s frequent travels to London that the Skovox decided to visit.

Danny wants to call in the army, and the Doctor rudely forces both Clara and Danny to leave. Clara takes Danny home, where she explains everything.  She tells him that she travels with the Doctor because of the things she sees and feels. Danny is—understandably—very upset. Clara has lied to him for months. Yet, I can also understand Clara’s thinking. How do you explain time travelling to a muggle? Tough spot to be in, Clara.

Clara steals the invisibility watch and gives it to Danny. They’re going to hide him so that he can see that she interacts exactly the same way with the Doctor as she’s described to him already. Because he doesn’t trust her, I guess? This is a tricksy plan, and I don’t like it at all.

Invisible Danny watches on as Clara and the Doctor bicker. The Doctor calls her bluff—he knows Danny is there--and Danny shows himself. This is when Danny goes off on the Doctor, and y’know, I think I like it. The Doctor has been such a jackass to Danny—and to Clara—and Danny finally calls him on it. Danny treats the Doctor as he would treat an officer; with respect, and as an authority figure. The Doctor hates it and gets yelly. He kicks Danny out of the TARDIS, and Clara leaves with him.

Courtney enters, and asks about the blue box again. The Doctor tells her, and shows her exactly what it is. So, um….what? Okay, then. I guess we’re just going to tell anyone about it, then?

Courtney asks if she can travel with the Doctor, and he says he’ll let her know. He may have a vacancy,

Oh, it’s also parents night at Coal Hill School, and Danny and Clara talk to Courtney’s parents.

Surprisingly, the Skovox returns early; much earlier than expected. And during parents night. The Doctor, looking very ghostbuster-like, beckons to Clara. He needs assistance. Danny sees the Doctor beckoning, and follows. The Doctor screams at him a bit, and then tells Clara what she needs to do.

Yet again, we’re shown how much different this Doctor is from our last incarnation. This one uses Clara as bait, and doesn’t tell her that that’s what she is. Eleven would never have done that.

Clara attracts the Skovox, and it follows her. Danny follows them both, and saves the world with some quick thinking and acrobatics when the Doctor’s plan fails and the Skovox initiates its self-destruct. The Doctor finally makes the Skovox shut down, and the threat is over.

Then the touching crap happens with Danny and Clara. Danny tells the Doctor that he’ll be good enough for Clara, blah, blah.

The Doctor gets rid of the Skovox in outer space, and Courtney is with him in the TARDIS. She’s not big on space travel, and pukes.

Clara and Danny are snuggled up watching TV, talking. Danny mentions things that are some huge foreshadowing. That’s the only reason that I can think of for the whole scene. Danny says that the Doctor will push her to do things that she’d never think of doing. Clara tells Danny that she trusts him. Danny makes her promise to tell him if the Doctor ever pushes her too far. If she breaks that promise, they’re over.  So…what’s the Doctor going to do that pushes Clara too far, and makes her lie to Danny about it?

And, finally, we get another glimpse at Missy and the promise land. The police officer that the Skovox killed early on is telling a new gentleman what happened to him. This part of the promise land—also called the Nethersphere--looks very different. It’s a plain white corridor, with while furniture. The Police officer exclaims, “God.” The man—is he supposed to be like St. Peter at the pearly gates?—says, “She’s a bit busy now”, and out comes Missy. So, Missy is God? That’s what we’re led to believe. Interesting plot development!

So that was a fun episode, with many funny lines, but it mostly fell flat for me. However, I do have a few theories that came from this episode!

Thoughts and theories:

-Because of the next time trailer, I believe that the Doctor is going to sacrifice Courtney. This will be the thing that pushes Clara too far, and will be the beginning of the end of her travelling with the 

Doctor. Or…that’ll be what we’re led to believe. Whether or not Clara leaves is still up for debate.

-What’s the pin on the lapel of the new intake guy in the Nethersphere? I think Missy wears a similar brooch.

-Who’s the new Nethersphere guy?

-Again, who’s Missy?

-What’s the Nethersphere, exactly?

-Why are the people who end up in the Nethersphere there? Why them, specifically? Is it because their deaths are all caused by the Doctor?

-Why is Courtney important? Is she just a plot device?

-Will Danny travel with the Doctor and Clara now that he knows everything?

-Why does this Doctor hate soldiers so much?

Best Lines:

“Why have you got two jackets? Is one of them faulty?!”

“So you recognize me then.”
“You’re wearing a different coat!”
“Saw straight through that.”

“The walls need sponging, and there’s a sinister puddle…”

“The door. It says, keep out.”
“No, it says, go away humans.”

“Crocodileopolis. They worship a big crocodile there, so the name is a useful coincidence.”

“How can you think that I’m her dad when we both look exactly the same age?!”

“It’s a mistake, you’ve made a boyfriend error.”

From the trailer, next week’s episode looks scary, dark, and really, really good! See y’all then!