True Blood: Turn, Turn, Turn

Welcome to True Blood, season 5! And didn't it start with a BANG, right?!

For any newbies, I'll take a quick sec to tell you a bit about my recap posts--

Most importantly, THERE WILL BE SPOILERS. My book and movies posts are spoiler-free, but my TV recaps are CHOCK FULL OF SPOILERY-GOODNESS.
You've been warned!

I WILL NOT be comparing the HBO series with the books.
Yes, I've read the books. Yes, I love the books. But the TV series has strayed SO far from the books that, in my opinion, it's pretty much pointless to compare the two.

There MAY BE CURSING in my True Blood posts.
Again, you've been warned. I figure if you watch the show, you can take a few swears. ;)

And lastly, I LOVE COMMENTS. So please, don't be shy!
If you disagree with something I say, tell me! If you have a theory you'd like to share, please do!

So, with that out of the way, let us begin!

True Blood, Season FIVE!


Bill and Eric: 
As Bill leaves a message for Jessica, Eric rushes around and cleans up the bloody mess the two made in Bill's office.
Suddenly, the two can feel through the bond that Sookie is in trouble. Eric reminds Bill that Sookie wants nothing to do with either of them, but Bill's heart wins out.
As he rushes out the door he's caught in a net of silver. Eric runs out after Bill, and he's caught as well.
Bill and Eric are now in the hands of the Authority.

Luckily, Eric has friends in high places.
It turns out his sister, Nora--another of Godric's progeny's--works for the Authority.
She helps them escape (er...and has some sexy time with Eric...HANDS OFF, BITCH!....whoops. Did I say that out loud?) and sets them up with new identities. Vampire Witness Protection program!

During the above-mentioned sexy-times, Eric's phone rings, and--although we're not told exactly what's said--we can assume that Alcide called Eric to tell him about Russell once again being free.

Eric and Bill are given their new papers--they're now Marcellus Clark and Ike Applebaum (LOL).
As Eric is saying goodbye to his sister, people start exploding.
Yep, the Authority has found our vamps.



Sookie and Lafayette:
Lafayette wakes to the gunshot and sees Sookie holding a dead Tara in her arms.
In runs Pam, who's looking for Eric. Sookie promises Pam all of her fairy-goodness help if Pam will turn Tara.
Pam agrees.
After giving Tara some of her blood, she has Sookie and Lafayette bury them both in the backyard.

Sookie finishes cleaning her kitchen (that kitchen sees a LOT of blood...and bleach), and then takes Lafayette to say goodbye to Jesus....who's body is apparently missing!

Back at Sookie's, Lafayette has a bath and shaves his head (after the camera ominously zooms in on a razor, making us believe there will be a suicide attempt!).


Alcide shows up at Sookie's door and announces that Russell is indeed alive and well and has crawled out of the cement.
He'll be on his way to kill Sookie, eventually, and Alcide tells Sookie she'll need to be staying with him now.
Sookie is on the verge of telling Alcide about Debbie when Lafayette comes in and interrupts her, gets in Alcide's face, shoves him a bit, and tells him that they don't need anymore supernatural bullshit in their lives.
Sookie agrees and Alcide leaves.
The two then settle in to wait for Pam and Tara to wake.
After a few hours, Pam finally wakes....but Tara doesn't.
There are tears from both Sookie and Lafayette.
When suddenly, BOOM! Out pops Vamp-Tara, who's now VERY fast, and who goes right for Sookie! (cut to end credits!)


Jason and Jessica:
As you'll recall, we left off last season with a naked Jason opening the door to a vampire-Reverend.
The Rev gives Jason a sob story and promises not to glamour our boy--Then promptly glamours his way inside poor Jason's house.
Everyone's favourite Reverend then comes out of the closet and declares his love for our sweet boy.
Jason, of course, is flattered...but not gay.
That pisses the Rev off. Just as he's about to make a snack of our boy, Jessica comes in, declares Jason HERS, and beats off the Rev. Woo hoo, Jessica!

Later on at Bill's, Jessica is having a party. With humans. And she's getting very flirty with one.

Jason shows up and joins in the festivities. When he sees Jessica getting kissy with the human, he leaves with one of the girls.

But surprisingly, Jason doesn't have sex with the girl! He even opens up and tells her what would happen if they did, and WHY it would happen. The boy has changed SO MUCH since season one, hasn't he?! (so proud!)



Sam:
Sam is cornered by a pack of wolves. It's Marcus's pack, and they want to know where their leader is.
Sam turns into a bird and flies off to warn Luna. The wolves give chase and track Sam down.

To protect Luna and Emma, Sam goes with the pack and keeps mum about Alcide being Marcus's killer.

He's brought to a barn where he's beaten until an older wolf-lady arrives. Sam agrees to tell them where Marcus's body is after she explains that there are certain rituals and traditions that must be upheld when a pack-leader dies, and that if Sam talks, no harm will come to Luna or Emma.

The pack digs up Marcus and Alcide and Luna show up. Alcide confesses to the killing.  A few members of the pack bow to Alcide as their new leader. But more don't. They're pissed that he put a shifter before the pack. Alcide doesn't seem to give a shit.

Some of the pack then change....and start eating Marcus. (BLECH, DUDE!)


Terry and Arlene:

Terry's having a hard time with Patrick being around. Terry just wants to forget who he was in the past--hard to do with Patrick hanging around and Arlene and the kids asking questions.

Patrick then tells Terry--after they fight a bit--that weird fires have been claiming the lives of their former Iraq war buddies.




Other stuff:
Holly's boys come home from a hunting trip to find their mom in bed with Sheriff Bellefleur.
Andy helps a Judge's son out of a speeding ticket.

Best lines:
"Supersnatch"- Pam
"I am wearing a Wal Mart sweatsuit for ya'll!"- Pam
"I'm a gay vampire American." -Rev. Steve

Questions:
Where's Jesus's body?
Will Jason and Jessica become an item?
Will Jessica break Jason's heart?
Are Hoyt and Jason over as friends?
How will Bill and Eric be rescued?
When will Russell come for Sookie?
What kind of vamp will Tara be?
What's with the weird fires Patrick was talking about?
Is that the last we'll see of Rev. Steve?
Will Alcide become pack-leader?
Will Sookie and Alcide be an item this season, with Eric and Bill out of the way?
How will Alcide react when he finds out Sookie killed Debbie?

Did you like the season 5 premiere?! What did you think?

Here's the promo for next week's episode, 'Authority Always Wins":

See you here next Sunday!